SCOOP SMACKEY

As I was strolling home to my apartment around 2:30 a.m. after an evening of Hi Ball’s and Tito’s Lemon Drops at Moe’s downtown, I was approached by a 3 ½ foot Gazoo. (You know the little martian (who is actually from Zetox) in The Flintstones; he looked just like him, only bigger.)

After we exchanged pleasantries he invited me back to his spaceship for a nightcap. Tired, a little drunk, maybe a lot drunk, I began to decline the invitation. Something however would not allow the “no thanks” to come out of my mouth. (This could have been the pickled eggs from Moe’s that were trying to escape at the same time.) My curiosity getting the best of me, and after the little guy assured me the anal probe would not be painful, I agreed to go for a quick one. As we turned the corner to head to the park (you know how Zetoxians love the park) where the spaceship was located, I began hearing music. Not able to make it out very well I asked Gazoo, what and where that noise was coming from – he said “oh, excuse me that’s my cell phone, and it’s the theme to Shaft”. As he answered the phone and listening intently he became a little flushed (as if he were receiving an anal probe) and the antennae’s on his head were shaking like loose change at a Village People concert! He abruptly turned around and shouted “sorry you cannot come over tonight – I have to head home – they have just declared a national holiday on Zetox – you will not believe this; “RICK RUDICIL just bowled a 300!!” It was at this very moment I fainted. Not waking till around 7:30 a.m. just outside the park, I arose slowly, sore and stiff from spending the night on the cold hard ground, pulling my pants up from my knees. There were few things I could remember from the night before, like why my pants were down, where the flower came from and whose phone # was written on my forearm. But one thing was certain – with Rick Rudicil bowling a 300, the world and my hemorrhoids would never be the same. I turned and headed back to Moe’s for breakfast, deciding to stop at the 7 –11 to use the pay phone and pick up some Preparation H.

“SCOOP SMACKEY”

Next weeks article: Just how gorgeous is Tom Cruise?